My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
