I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
