Me too!
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
