literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
