Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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