just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
