guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
