Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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