My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
