with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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