"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
