I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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