My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
well you can't waste a boner
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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