The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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