I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
