I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Randomize
