my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
