I wish you could order shots online.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
