Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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