so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
