Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
