Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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