well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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