I think my vagina is haunted
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
