Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I love having hate sex.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
