If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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