I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
