Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
