fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
