i need an iv and a liver transplant
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
