i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
