Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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