maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i was born a porn star she said
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I wear drunk well.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
