i may or may not be watching the land before time
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
