i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
