just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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