Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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