Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
