if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
