Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
