i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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