I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
