My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
