Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
