Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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