Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
even my farts smell like vagina
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
my liver is dry heaving
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
