census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
