420 ftw
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
