I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
