you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
