her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
