how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
